Category: Uncategorized
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Smardzewice again
I feel a bit better after spending the day out of the house and doing things. My mind is clearer, however I’m not sure this is the type of clarity I was looking for: I realised that by keeping my mum in a care home I don’t solve the real problem, and the real problem […]
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On the way back from Łódź
So I saw The Friend today. It did help me a bit, both talking to her but also being away. I still feel overwhelmed that I have to make all the decisions myself. I almost feel that I’d prefer if my mum didn’t have any money left. We’d cope somehow, like we used to before […]
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Hip replacement?
I checked online what are symptoms of needing hip replacement and falling doesn’t seem to be one of them.
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Priceless
On my way back home, just several meters away I found my brother laying on the side of the road. He claimed he can’t get up because of his bad hip but when me and a neighbour helped him, he was able to eventually stand straight and walk independently. Very strange. How do I know […]
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I’m not registered with the council any more
In Poland everyone has to be registered somewhere, which is very often not where one lives. It’s not really that important for every day but if we want to take part in election or do tax return (which is compulsory) it needs to be in the area where one is registered. I was registered in […]
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I want magic
That’s what one of Redecor challenges is called. I read it and thought I want magic too. But magic is not going to happen. My brother now says he doesn’t want my share of the house, even though it would come with a small piece of land that he could sell. He probably decided it’s […]
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My dad
When I was very little, I remember I had much better relationship with my dad than with mum. Then obviously that all fell apart due to his mental health breakdown. When I was a teeanager and started reading books and articles about complex relationship dynamic I started believing it was my mum who caused my […]
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One level above everyone else
Till last year, after my mum moved in with me and I started reading about it, I didn’t really know how alcoholism looks like. My brother very often doesn’t even look drunk, or at least I wouldn’t notice if I didn’t speak with him for a bit longer. I didn’t know that neglecting every single […]
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The truth about my brother
I suppose I was always being protected from the truth about my brother, in a way. Yes, mum would tell me what he did but when it came to actually dealing with him I’d make sure I’m not involved. My mum had to do it. It didn’t work as he just screamed at her. When […]
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Is that ok?
I’m wondering now if it’s actually ok to make decisions for somebody else? My mum won’t approve going to a private care home, she won’t approve any care home really. She wants to stay in Smardzewice and use her age and disability to control my brother’s drinking. And if it at least worked! Is it […]
Autistic and me 