Category: Uncategorized
-
4.30am
I went to sleep around 9.30pm yesterday, so that still gives me sensible amount of sleep. I woke up without feeling anxious but then started planning in my head what to write to mum’s bank and that set off anxiety. For those of you who only started reading now let me give you quick update: […]
-
My future job
I spent significant amount of time reading online about being put on DBS barred list. I was, at some point, looking at it as a way of moving on from working in care but I decided it’s not what I really want. It would be like the mistake I made while being under stress meant […]
-
Being myself
It’s Sunday morning now and it seems to be rather cold. I will not be visiting mum today as there are no buses to where she’s staying, which is a village called Studzianki. Mind you, the care home is not actually in the village but in a field over one kilometer away from it. I […]
-
Current mood (bipolar?)
So, after my second psychotic episode I was told I’m bipolar. I don’t fully agree with this and it makes me sad that I can’t just be ‘myself’: a person with Asperger’s who is so bad at managing emotions that she ended up so upset and unable to calm down and sleep that it caused […]
-
Self harm (I used to do that)
So… this is not something that I normally talk about. It was always taboo, but my left arm is covered in scars. It’s normally easy to cover it as I am oversensitive to cold but on a really hot day wearing long sleeves becomes a problem even for me. Yes, I used to self harm […]
-
Visited mum
Mum was very quiet again today and her hands were shaking a bit. I asked her what she wanted me to do when we run out of money for that care home and she said she cannot think straight. She still says she likes there much better and she didn’t moan about my brother at […]
-
The problem with aging parent
What I find the most difficult with my mum being elderly is, that she can’t help me no more. She was always there for me, trying her best, even though if slightly ineffective at times. Especially if my brother ruined something for me she would rush and help. Now, she can’t do that any more […]
-
My suicide attempt
I hope this won’t be triggering for anybody so first of all, let me clarify that I didn’t really want to die. And yet, I took 18 lorazepams at once. I actually thought I took 19 but the 19th was still in the box, although the seal was broken. The box contained 20 and I […]
-
I was diagnosed with schizophrenia
OK, so that happened in Poland a few years ago. I love Poland but some other the standards in psychiatric care… I really hope the same would not happened where I live now. So basically, after I travelled to Poland from the UK, on my first day of hallucinating, I did see psychiatrist there. Initially […]
Autistic and me 