Category: Uncategorized
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I don’t know how I feel
This is apparently normal for us, autistics. I mean, not that I never know how I feel: when I’m upset, I’m usually perfectly aware of that. But now I’m really confused. Not only I don’t know how I feel, I also don’t know how I’m ‘supposed’ to feel. Perhaps my confusion is caused by years…
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I really am in danger. It makes sense now.
I just got an email newsletter titled ‘How to cure sore throat naturally’. I thought, I didn’t have a sore throat in twenty years, so I deleted it without reading. And then I shivered. It reminded me of the fact that I am possibly in danger from my brother. Possibly. I mean, I still wish…
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I cried today
For just a few minutes. First time since I found out my mum died. It was really strange. Someone from my village post a photo of another lady from our village, a tiny bit younger than my mum, with a note that her funeral will be on Wednesday. My mum’s funeral is tomorrow, Tuesday and…
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I feel like an adult now
This is really strange, I realised it yesterday evening and woke up at 2am today, probably to think about it. Did it ever happen to you that you woke up early if you have an issue to think about? That happens to me sometimes. It feels like my brain decided that working out what is…
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My Sunday
I still feel reasonably calm, considering what is happening and I also managed to sleep OK last night, the same like the last couple of nights. It was six hours only, which is not a lot since I started using Sleep School app but considering what I am going through and the fact I didn’t…
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Can relationship be a separate entity?
I spent part of my Sunday on listening to podcasts about relationships. I found a relationship coach called Jonathon Aslay who seems to be making a lot of sense but I didn’t spend enough time on studying what he has to say to really be able to recommend him. I certainly think though that he…
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Who sent the last message?
I must say here I’m a little concerned about John not trying to contact me to check on me. Before we started dating properly I noticed he had that rule that if he sent the last email to me on a day, he couldn’t contact me again later, he had to wait till I emailed…
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Should we behave normally when we’re in danger?
Today YouTube recommended me that strange song that lyrics I couldn’t even understand, except of the few words that really draw my attention: ‘it ends in prison or with funerals’. That got me feel scared again. I realised the neighbour who helped my brother organise mum’s funeral mentioned something about family graveyard, that it may…
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Latest pattern creation
I guess sometimes it may be easier to add my pattern in a separate post, instead of adding them as illustrations for posts about my emotions. It feels to me like, if I include my pattern images to be part of my posts, they should somehow reflect the emotions I write about and it gets…
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It’s complicated
That is my current relationship status on Facebook. I’m not quite sure why I chose it because, when I first broke up with John, I told him it’s definitely over. Our relationship seemed to be devoid of passion lately and I can’t blame it on anyone, not even myself. I guess this is what happens…
Autistic and me 