Autistic ghost

Have I ever tell you that I used to believe I have a ghost in my spare bedroom? That’s why I barely ever used it. That was all probably because this flat seemed to be too big for me. But isn’t that strange that every room here makes me feel differently?

Anyway, I was thinking to prepare a book that would contain all my posts about social imagination. The title was meant to be ‘Why people do the things they do. Social imagination for autistics’. I wasn’t meant to delete those posts from the blog but with how much I write it is a bit difficult to find them. But the problem is, I don’t think autistic people are that bothered about social imagination, or at least most of them aren’t. It’s probably just me.

So if I wrote this book, not many people would buy it and then I’d be an author of a not very successful book. But at the same time I feel like I want to pass my knowledge of neurotypicals on to somebody, I feel like I want to have an impact in that exact way – that’s what I do the entire time when I’m with people: I observe and analyse them. And I come to conclusions. Sometimes I get things wrong of course but the older I am the less often that happens.

I remember when I was in my early 30s I realised that I started getting certain social situations at work the same way that other people did. At the time it was a sign for me that I’m ‘getting there’, and only I didn’t understand how come this took me so long.

Earlier on, when I for example had a boss who used to shout at staff, I’d make excuses for this behaviour. ‘He only tries to motivate people and he’s very direct’ I’d say. Until one day he’d scream at me that badly over something so insignificant that I cried all evening at home and never came back.

Since being in my early 30s I know this type of behaviour is unacceptable. The same like gossiping or manipulating.

But the thing is, no one is interested in it. The current narrative is not ‘understanding neurotypicals’, but it’s also not ‘understanding ourselves’. The current narrative is ‘being more autistic’. I tried that and it didn’t work for me.

Anyway, do you think ghost could be autistic?

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