I don’t want to focus on any external stimuli today

As you may be aware I decided not to meet John today. I don’t know what it is exactly: side effect of medication, side effect of psychosis, laziness, low motivation, trying to save up all the mental energy for going back to work next week or just me being my autistic self, but I feel like I want to do exactly that: stay in and avoid any external stimulation.

My kitchen is in a mess and I don’t even care. I mean I do when I go in there and try to get a little bit of space to make a sandwich, but otherwise I really don’t. Also I stopped the declutering project that I started just after leaving the hospital. I mean, initially I stopped it because I started worrying that I’d decluter too much and will want some items back but I think that energy stabilised a lot and I just never went back to it. I need to remember though it can take several weeks to fully recover from psychotic episode. The fact that I’m not delusional doesn’t mean I am fully recovered.

Oh BTW, my readers seem to partly returned to my blog. Although I don’t understand my statistics. How come a post from a few months ago got almost half of my entire number of views for today? Anyway it doesn’t matter: I think I really blog for myself. I was never able to feel I am being mirrored by people around me so why would it be any different with my blog? I’m actually surprised I have any readers at all. BTW thank you to the person from Australia who seems to check on me on a regular basis. That always makes my day.

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