So, of course I didn’t click on a link in the Canvas app, because it wasn’t highlighted in blue, and I didn’t realise that’s where I get assignment brief from. I then emailed student advisors team to tell them I don’t know what to do. They must have thought I’m daft.

However, the post is not even about it, it’s about the fact that I didn’t tell my employer I am going to apply to uni to research our care home. Obviously I knew I was supposed to do that but I decided to apply on Friday, just a day I left the hospital. The deadline was Sunday the same week and the course has already started so it was a late application. I didn’t have time to talk to them properly.

And calling and saying hello, just to tell you, I left the hospital and now I’m going to apply to uni, what do you say for that? is not the right procedure.

Aripiprazole has tendency to make people a bit impulsive at the beginning of taking it and I don’t know if that was what happened to me or I was just looking for ways to get out of the situation, and what I mean by that is – although I never disliked job in care I always wanted more out of life and I knew that being in lidership position wasn’t for me.

I should have at least defer the start of my course to January but I wanted everything NOW!

Finally yesterday I asked my employment advisor to tell the management what I have done and to ask them to think if they are ok with supporting me through my research, as obviously I may need to speak with clients’ families and staff. If not, I may need to ask for refund from University of Hull. I wasn’t very sane when I applied, was I? And I don’t want to research something else that I don’t support wholeheartedly.

I’m also worried a bit that maybe I just think that I’m onto something when I try to see the connection between adjusted environmen and clients happiness and contentment. You’d think someone from outside would already look into it, wouldn’t you, if there was something in it?

And then I’m like, but this adjusted environment is really a good thing, makes things easier for the clients. So why I’ve never heard about this type of solution? And this way I’m back to square one.

It’s a really difficult situation and in general being me is not the easiest thing. I keep throwing myself into various types of unusual situations and I don’t even know how. Yet, I often complain my life is a bit boring. It doesn’t add up, does it? Maybe it doesn’t because, even though my life has some unusual circumstances, I never really make the most of anything?

So that means I need to continue my studies. But what if?… and this way we’re again on square three. But maybe… and so on, and on.