Regarding my previous recent post – I did have the same reaction for a couple of months when I first started studying physics, in Łódź, when I was 18.

I wonder now whether this is just lack of social imagination? I do think I’m really bad in this field; I can’t imagine that my life is going to be much more different than my parents’ life. Yes, I have a mobile phone and a microwave but otherwise it feels to me like I still should live the way they did. And my brother.

Still, I don’t know how I’m going to cope, you see? I didn’t get out of the house today yet (it’s 15.39) trying to process everything.

And the fact that, you know, my life is already much more better than my brother’s is actually preventing me from any further substantial changes.

I need a role model. Someone who will drag me out of my life’s maze. Which is probably a bad thing to want but this is how I feel.