Do you remember how I said…

That I’m on speech and language therapy delivered by the community? I really believed it. But now I don’t. Not really, I mean it’s difficult to say. Everyone’s communication skills improved that much recently.

But maybe it was my communication that improved first and people react differently now? I don’t understand.

What is interesting though is that I hold that belief the entire time for over a year, and that is including the time I was on antipsychotics. I didn’t take it today as it was just getting too much. Horrendous anxiety and inability to sit still. I had to stop it.

And here you are: I stopped my meds and a few hours later I got rid of the above illusion. But that would suggest it wasn’t a delusion really. So what was that? The truth?

I don’t understand!!!

However, I think I’d prefer to find out that my diagnostician really applied some intervention to me, because you know, she was an excellent specialist and I’d never be able to think about her in positive terms, no matter how good she was otherwise, if I had that awareness that she just left me to my own devices in that difficult situation I was in.

It’s a bit like what I think about Home Group: no matter how you are, if you leave one person who’s in trouble and do nothing, you’re worthless.

But because of that, I also think, I can not work in advocacy. I wouldn’t be able to recognise that one person. I can only see patterns. So possibly I should work in research?

I hope to keep the blog going though. It’s a good fun. But I should keep my email address hidden, like it is now, so that autistic people wouldn’t get the impression that I’d help them if they contact me.

It feels like an end to an era to me. For some reason. Or maybe it’s only because I’m withdrawing from meds?

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