How I developed my third episode

Ok, that hasn’t been discussed yet. Somehow all three episodes are connected to issues with employment. The only difference is that in case of Home Group, and then the other employer – learning disability care provider – the employers were clearly to blame. With Fessey House the problem was, they seemed too good to be true, so how can I blame them for that? It’s now every other care provider’s fault that they are not good enough.

So basically during 3 weeks of me working for Fessey I didn’t try to ask why residents there are so much more happier than anywhere else. I was aware that question asked at the wrong time or with a wrong tone of voice may be misinterpreted as me hinting I am not prepared to deal with any issues, in case they arise.

That put me into permanent state of confusion, but I thought I was coping; also I kept sleeping really well and I was convinced my episodes were caused by severe insomnia, so I wasn’t too bothered.

Around two and half a week ago I started having ‘aura’ – the feeling that I may be getting psychotic. I did try to get some help but 10mg olanzapine once only wasn’t enough, even though it put me to sleep.

Later on I don’t really know what happened. I mean I woke up feeling the same aura. I tried to look for help but it just wasn’t there the way I expected it. I may share more details later. I still remember most of them, I just don’t feel ready.

At the end I just stayed at home and tried for it to pass. The ambulance was outside for 3h; or at least that’s what I think. I also don’t remember how come I was picked up in the middle of the night, but when I was in A&E it was already bright morning. But never mind. I am here, well and safe. Let’s hope it will stay like this.

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