Ok, that hasn’t been discussed yet. Somehow all three episodes are connected to issues with employment. The only difference is that in case of Home Group, and then the other employer – learning disability care provider – the employers were clearly to blame. With Fessey House the problem was, they seemed too good to be true, so how can I blame them for that? It’s now every other care provider’s fault that they are not good enough.

So basically during 3 weeks of me working for Fessey I didn’t try to ask why residents there are so much more happier than anywhere else. I was aware that question asked at the wrong time or with a wrong tone of voice may be misinterpreted as me hinting I am not prepared to deal with any issues, in case they arise.

That put me into permanent state of confusion, but I thought I was coping; also I kept sleeping really well and I was convinced my episodes were caused by severe insomnia, so I wasn’t too bothered.

Around two and half a week ago I started having ‘aura’ – the feeling that I may be getting psychotic. I did try to get some help but 10mg olanzapine once only wasn’t enough, even though it put me to sleep.

Later on I don’t really know what happened. I mean I woke up feeling the same aura. I tried to look for help but it just wasn’t there the way I expected it. I may share more details later. I still remember most of them, I just don’t feel ready.

At the end I just stayed at home and tried for it to pass. The ambulance was outside for 3h; or at least that’s what I think. I also don’t remember how come I was picked up in the middle of the night, but when I was in A&E it was already bright morning. But never mind. I am here, well and safe. Let’s hope it will stay like this.