I feel a bit overwhelmed today. I think it’s all due to the pressure of my new job. Even though I like it a lot, it’s still working with people and people do change. I do wonder if I found it any easier if they were the same every single minute and if all colleagues would be like clones. Lol. Obviously this is not to say that I behave the same way the entire time.
I had a formal chat with our senior today and she stressed out that there are challenging behaviours on the unit. I guess I am still to experience them. I do wonder now if possibly I was just placed in a ‘happy’ unit, and that’s why I didn’t see anything serious. I presume some people with dementia will be happier than others, possibly in the same way as people without dementia. I am however really curious now how environment affects them, because you know, even though our unit is just one hallway, and not very long one, some of the residents can still get lost there. One even gets lost sometimes on the way from the lounge to the dining room, even though it’s really just one medium size room and she has only like 3 meters to walk. How would she feel in a bigger place then?
But because everything is so well organised there, we can see pretty much immediately when someone gets confused, while that wasn’t possible in other care homes I worked before.
I guess I may be too fixated now on looking for problems. It’s like I assume there are always some problems somewhere and if I can’t see them straight away, I get obsessed. Because unidentified problems means danger is everywhere.
But this is not a conscious decision I make and I am perfectly aware that care homes that are not well organised (which is already one problem) may also have other issues (like issues with colleagues – so that will be two problems).
Anyway, I am overwhelmed, as I said. I wonder if non autistic person would be overwhelmed too in my situation? I presume some would be, but not all. But for those who would be, can we measure their degree of overwhelmed and compare with mine? That would give us an idea of how disabled I am.
I saw a quote on Facebook today about self respect, and that made me realise that I don’t really know what that is, or at least how to demonstrate it.
I did mention a few posts back how I had an idea that I should be emotionally detached at work and then quickly realised that I don’t really want to; that I’m just fitting myself into a concept that I know, while in reality I’d rather fit myself into a concept ‘give with an open heart and don’t think about tomorrow’ but I never heard people discussing anything similar. Only later on I’ve realised that I did hear a lot about the second concept in church when I was little, and I took it extremely seriously every time. I wonder if it’s any different now but forgiveness, not looking for revenge and turning the other cheek was being discussed all the time in church in Poland at the time and I guess people who lived in villages were even more affected than those from towns and cities.
While seeing the quote about self respect I realised that I moreless understand what forgiveness and turning the other cheek means and what behaviours are expected from the person who wants to go this route. I also realised that the fact we may sometimes misinterpret someone’s intention is not really that crucial if we want to forgive them anyway.
But when we discuss self respect, things are getting much more serious. What does ‘if you don’t respect yourself, nobody will’ or ‘don’t let other people treat you badly’ means? What I’m supposed to do if I think that someone is treating me badly? Punch them? Obviously I agree that would be unacceptable and can even be a criminal offence. But I am asking you, what I’m supposed to do if someone is treating me badly? I really do not know.
That never gets discussed anywhere. Not to mention that sometimes I can misinterpret the other person intention. Possibly they don’t intend to treat me badly, but they’re going through a rough patch when their husband is cheating on them? Maybe they just want me to shut up about how happy I am in my relationship? You know, those kind of things.
So I’d say that from those two concepts I’d prefer to choose the first one. It does seem to be safer; wouldn’t you agree?