I was wondering recently who takes part in my speech therapy voluntarily, who is forced to do that and who refuses. The thing is, my diagnostician has no ability to force people outside of my mental health team to say certain things to me; they can still behave however they want to and I won’t know if they are like that because they want me to realise something important or because they’re just nuts and not very helpful.

As you may be aware, I’m not very keen on Simon Baron-Cohen; I think he is a terrible communicator. I must say here that I only have the confidence to say that because I saw how effective my diagnostician’s communication methods are; if it wasn’t for that I’d believe what so many people say about us – we are impossible to communicate with, therefore everything is my fault and Simon Baron-Cohen is right, even if he’s dismissive or blantly rude.

There was also that Polish autism researcher, Joanna Ławicka, who is autistic herself, who I contacted a few months ago with a simple idea that possibly autistic people find it so difficult to adjust to sudden change because we see life through patterns and work out very early on that unexpected events are pretty much always negative. What was wrong with me suggesting that, I wonder? Autism research is very young and there’s so many things that haven’t been understood yet, possibly this theory should have been considered like many others. Yet, Joanna was rude to me in her response. Or at least abrupt. And I wonder now, maybe she was asked to respond this way so that I have a chance to further practice my communication skills and be sarcastic with her? Instead of being abrupt as well. (And I’m telling you, it would be so easy and felt like her behaviour excused mine, because although we’re both autistic, she’s researcher so she should be a role model for me, not the other way round).

So I’m not sure about Joanna but I’m also having doubts about Simon Baron-Cohen: is he only playing a villain in this story? Maybe he was asked to do that and agreed for the research purposes? He has nothing to loose, has he? And anyway, all his mates researchers would be notified that’s what he is doing and that can cause me frustration.

Yet, what I don’t understand here is, if it was all set up with Simon, then why my diagnostician didn’t get a chance to use her communication methods to support autistics much more earlier than that?

Does that mean that Simon may in fact be a real villain, and not just pretended one?

I’m just working on my social imagination, that is all. All the best wishes to Simon and the likes (not that he ever replies).