My head is about to explode

That illustrates how my head feels right now

That’s how I feel, and I’m sorry to say that. My psychiatric nurse decided not to discharge me just yet. I presume that was because of me pointing out to her that she can’t do that if she thinks I’m paranoid.

So yes, she is worried about my paranoia. But then she said that she trusts my judgement about myself. So I’m either paranoid or I can trust my own judgement, either one or the other.

Why they’re using this communication with me? So that I could then repeat it on other people, instead of just blantly telling them they’re stupid? Instead I can ask ‘if I tell you that I think you know about autism as much as a bag of new potatoes does, would that be rude or not? Could you please comment on that?’ But then, what to do that for? Will repeating this type of communication help me avoid problems in the future?

My problems in the past were caused because 1. I misjudged the situation that I was in 2. the other person misjudged me, thinking that I’m weak and I’d accept the bulling they have on offer.

My communication skills didn’t have much to do there. I mean, presumably, my communication skills were what made those people assume that I’m weak, but there was much more happening there. Also, I don’t think I can change my communication when I’m in new situation; new situations always overwhelmed me and I am getting really upset thinking that people interpret it as me being shy. But I really don’t think much can be done here.

Otherwise it looks to me like both Simon Baron-Cohen and Sarah Cassidy keep removing their posts from twitter. I’m not 100% sure; maybe I’m not getting how twitter really works, but I can’t see their recent posts, those that I targeted heavily. Is that all the consequences I’m going to face for my behaviour? I wasn’t very nice to those two, but then, someone needed to tell them they are wrong, so I did the right thing.

Still, my head feels like it’s about to explode. I can’t make sense of anything at all. Is this language and speech therapy going to last my entire life? Even when people all over the world will be reading my posts about what I discovered and how it made me feel, I will still be told that this is not happening? I don’t understand.

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