Reality check

1. As I said a few times here, in my world everything is connected on the instinctive level, for that reason I decided to ask Mr Henderson for a reality check yesterday. I mean, am I under speech and language therapy, or not. I did it in a way that could have implied I’m one pashmina short of a wardrobe, how Miranda’s mum used to say. But then, he should have reacted, shouldn’t he?

Unless he checked my blog in the morning and decided that I sound perfectly fine. But who knows, maybe I’m this kind of person who only get psychosis in the evening? That doesn’t mean I don’t need help.

2. I’m trying to break up with my psychiatric nurse. I think she should decide if I’m psychotic or not and act accordingly: if I’m psychotic she may need to arrange a crisis team to see me, if I’m not then that means my ‘delusions’ are true.

3. I need to make separate post about what my boyfriend said recently and how I understood it. His new communication techniques are really drawing my attention.

4. Weather is nice but I’d rather be at home and do my patterns, now, after the feeling of trance went away. But I was outside for like 2h today.

5. I asked Sarah Cassidy, the autism researcher who’s into suicidal behaviour, what she thinks about my recent behaviour. So far she didn’t reply.

I purposefully didn’t apologise, apology would sound like if I’m taking responsibility, which I frankly don’t. I have nothing to apologise for. We all know autistics scream sometimes, don’t we? Especially when we feel suicidal. She really should be used to it.

6. I have the idea that my behaviour gets more and more unusual recently. I tell people whatever I feel like, without worrying too much if I make myself look normal or not. It’s strangely liberating.

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