1. Since yesterday afternoon I’m really exhausted again. I keep wondering if this is because I spent too much time on Pinterest scrolling through images of bedrooms and living rooms? I remember being irritated by the fact that I can’t find what I want, which is a room with mismatched furniture and walls that are not white. I also think I am trying to see patterns in all those images I see and although I wouldn’t go as far as saying there is no pattern there at all they’re not strong enough for me and it makes me confused.

This digital detox is really more difficult than I thought.

2. Yesterday I weighted 92 kg. Today it was 94. What is going on?

3. I’m thinking about trying real digital drawing, something where I could use my patterns. I downloaded Clip Studio Paint for that but I’m a bit confused as the app is advertised as ‘best for manga and comics’ and I think, I don’t want to draw manga or comics so I need to look for something else, something that would be ‘best for adding patterns into images’ but I bet there’s no such thing, only because very few people actually add patterns into images. That makes me feel like a bit of a weirdo, like if the entire world wanted to say ‘you want to use patterns in your digital drawings? What is wrong with you?’

4. There are artists who add patterns into traditional paintings and that makes me a bit better. Isn’t that beautiful? And also much more compled than what I have in mind.

5. I need to fill in all the relevant information for my new job and then I can go to Poland. That is making me sad though – it will be the first time when I don’t get to see my mum and on top of that I’ll be worrying about all what’s happening in Ukraine. Maybe I shouldn’t go?

That makes me think that the pattern that I apply to understand the world is changing. For a long time it was ‘things may bet bad for a while but then they get better’. Since Home Group it’s ‘things may get bad for a while and then they get even worse’. I am tired of that.