Taking things directly again

1. I really can’t help it sometimes – after my visit to the radio today I went for a little walk in the area. At some point I saw a pub that looked a bit neglected, although not quite falling apart yet – the logo and opening hours were still there and there was a sign written on the door ‘We are open!’ I obviously thought the management must have realised that the pub looks neglected and like if it’s not in use so they wanted passers-bys to know that’s not the case. I came up to the door and tried to open it and it was shut. This is really bugging me now.

I may need to go back there and have another look at opening times – I wonder now if I got the days confused possibly? Why does it bother me though? Not that I need to have a drink there, really.

2. Yesterday I started conversation with John about how we should decorate our house if we move in together. I guess that could be seen as strange by a neurotypical person as being able to get on is far more important, and I get it, but how I am supposed to know if we get on long term? All the social and emotional stuff is too difficult for me so I focus on what I can control. I can see our lives as a puzzle that consist the house, furniture, all the decorative items and the two of us and I’m trying to see if it will all fit together without any clashes.

John suggested not to paint the entire house the same colour and I am ok to take his advice – after all it was just an idea to reduce visual clutter, but various pale colours should also work. John however also pointed out he doesn’t like gallery walls, which I love, at least at Pinterest. I guess my perception could change if I had one on the wall, which is often the case with various decorating ideas.

3. My mental health is not great today and I don’t know what is causing it. I do find it a bit difficult to focus. I wonder if this can be caused by me not eating? But then what should I do? I have weight to loose and no appetite, but possibly cooking a low calorie soup for dinner won’t be a bad idea.

4. I still don’t know what to talk about on the autistic community programme that we’re preparing in the radio and the plan is to broadcast first episode on the first Tuesday of July so only a month from now. I contacted ABA therapist based in Swindon – I don’t think that we should reject therapy for autistic people and I am curious to find out how it really looks like. However, the therapist works with children and I’m not a child. I also had a brief idea to contact DASH, Swindon based charity for autistic people but I’m a bit concerned that could turn into a little argument. Or possibly even a bigger one?

When I worked in Home Group (I didn’t mention them for a couple of weeks, did I?) I went to DASH for advice. I spoke with a lady there for an hour about what is happening at work and she kept making notes. When we finished she said she’ll refer me to another charity, and that was pretty much it – I did not get a piece of advice, insight or anything at all. I left really confused.

I do understand that telling somebody ‘you really need to leave this job’ may be seen as not being politically correct and the charities are always focused on how what they do affects their funding, however why should I pay for it with allowing a drama in my life?

4. Shirley, the radio manager suggested to speak with Mr Curtis Flux, a local politician, who’s apparently focused on ‘tackling the stigma around mental health’; I googled Mr Flux and so far I don’t know how he’s actually doing that. Tackling a stigma is such a broad, general concept that I wouldn’t know how to measure how this is actually done. However, Mr Flux won a mental health award for Swindon and Wiltshire Health and Social Care Awards last year, so he must be doing something really relevant and important, especially considering he doesn’t even work in health and social care sector. I contacted Mr Flux on Instagram and I’m awaiting his response. I also commented one of his photos stating that I like his tie – it had a cheerful floral pattern, not something that you’d normally expected a man to wear, unless possibly he’s working in a creative industry. Do you think this comment can be seen as inappropriate? But then it was what came to my mind, so I can’t quite see why I should be censoring myself while interacting with someone who’s so focused on improving vulnerable residents lifes.

5. I am really tired today. It’s 15.38 and I may have a nap.

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