That was meant to be a part of the post about conversations but I guess I was so fascinated in making everything appear like if it’s focused on one subject only that I forgot to add this.

So basically I am slightly concerned if Shirley, the radio manager, doesn’t think I’m possibly a spare part? Not that she ever implied anything, she’s always nice and supportive and was very pleased with my talk during Disability Positive event a few weeks back. Oh, BTW, me and Shirley were invited to the Job Centre as a result, we’re going there in two days. Exciting isn’t it? I am slightly concerned that I don’t really know what we will be doing there other than have a chat but possibly it’s a good opportunity to embrace uncertainty, which to be honest, I used to be quite good at.

But the thing is, I was meant to prepare recordings based on my blog and so far only did one or two (you see, I don’t even remember exactly), then I wanted to have my own show – which quite frankly I’m not ready for, then I agreed to interview someone from a charity but instead ended up researching events for Queen’s Jubilee, and now, when I finally decided what I wanted to do with my blog, I am back to square one. I guess that must be a bit annoying? At least it would be for me, if I saw somebody as indecisive as me.

So, as I was getting to leave today I thought I should say something about it and, of course, what came to my mind first was ‘Why do you keep me here?’ but I quickly realised that sounds a bit harsh, however, almost at the same time that instruction appeared in my head: ‘rephrase!’ So I did, and it was pretty easy and instead I said this: ‘You know Shirley, I don’t feel like I’m actually doing much here’ (that sounds much better, doesn’t it?) for which Shirley replied that she’s trying to support me to find something that would work for me. That’s nice of her, isn’t it?

That rephrasing exercise was a really straightforward thing, only took me a second or two and didn’t feel like an effort at all, such a big improvement from my ‘copy and paste behaviours’ that never made any sense to me. I wonder, why no one ever suggested that to me?

But you know what I’m also curious about now? When neurotypicals are in similar situations, do the right thing come to their mind straight away or do they have to rephrase it too, and the only difference is that they actually know they have to do that? With all the conversation about the difference between autistics and neurotypicals, I never seen this being explained anywhere.