Obviously I am probably exaggerating – the fact that I will be on a live radio programme is a big deal for me, but it probably shouldn’t take that much of my attention. The pressure to say all the right things may not be huge but it’s certainly there.
I had my breakfast and will be leaving the house in around 45 minutes. I am quite tired though. Yesterday I spent the whole afternoon trying to comment on posts of various autistic influencers on Instagram, but to comment from their perspective, or sometimes even from the perspective of the person they were talking about. The problem that I had with that was to first find a suitable post – most of them are very general, like ‘autistic people are…/autistic people often…’ without the influencer even mentioning how that relates to them, so it felt to me like there’s no perspective there at all, it’s just the information.
The other thing is that I’m not sure if talking to an autistic person by acknowledging their perspective is the right thing to do. I do accept it is good to talk to neurotypicals like that or possibly in larger groups. Commenting from other people perspective certainly demonstrates that one is a kind and empathetic person and that makes others want to associate with that person, but then I remember when people who I barely knew commented on my situation this way, it totally freaked me out. I mean comments like ‘that situation must have been very difficult for you because of A and B’ when I talked about a problem. I was like ‘how the hell do you even know that? You’re supposed to laugh or something’ – obviously I didn’t say that but that was what I thought. Although maybe I’d get used to and appreciate that if it keeps happening to me more often?
So yes, the business of trying to see situations from other people perspective has totally tired me down. Although I can at least see that it’s not impossible for me to do, it just requires some thinking. It’s totally easier than masking based on copy and paste behaviour though, which is just random, doesn’t make any sense, seems easy when performed but exhausting afterwards. And also it often makes me feel disgusted with myself, I think this is because deep down I have some awareness that I was at times making inappropriate comments, possibly behaving like a comedian (have you ever watched Miranda? I used to be like her) while compassion was expected instead.
The radio show is going to be about what people who are about to move to Swindon should know, and I’m going to suggest to never Google how it is to live here because the answers are devastating while far away from the truth. Swindon is a good place to live. It’s not London, of course, but I guess everyone is aware of it. I like it.