I only have been doing those since the beginning of December, which is 4 months. It seems like that’s not a lot of time at all and possibly my life didn’t change much on face value but I feel like I’m going in the right direction – even though I don’t really know where I’m heading.

I certainly don’t want to be stuck in a place that doesn’t work for me, like I was for years, only because it was safe. But then, I still don’t know how this blogging project of mine is going to work out. But even the process of expressing myself feels great, most of the time.

The last couple of days my cold didn’t give me much chance to be spontaneous with my blog but I think I’m getting there again.

A few days ago I took an online masterclass about how to start a career as a pattern designer. The masterclass was really a sale call for a paid course, which always seems to be the case now, anyway, at least I realised the course is not really for me. I’m not ready to start selling my patterns and never will be! Why?

I mean, I am aware that, in most cases those patterns would need to be processed further to make them usable – the image can’t just be multiplied to fill the entire surface, that would look weird, and this is not something I want to bother about any time soon, I just want to be creative.

Anyway, what I found out from the masterclass was as follows:

1. I need to find out what type of patterns clients want and design those.

2. I need to consistently work on developing my own style.

And that’s when the question was asked: does that make sense?

No, it does not! It can be either 1 or 2, how am I supposed to do both?

3. Create collection of designs to show of. But no one says whether they mean just images with patterns or actual products? I suppose this may get revealed for those who pay $1400 for the course.

But then the best comes at the end: how to handle complaints from clients.

Complaints? I was sure that the thing about being established artist is that no one ever complains! Did I get this wrong too?

Anyway, I at least managed to work out the course is not for me. I just need to keep doing what I do best, which is prioritising patterns over everything else and hope for the best, which, I suppose means, someone needs to discover me.

I wonder, is my art weird? I don’t know anybody else doing similar thing. Is the fact that I’m autistic needed to understand what I do? If I have to be honest, I feel like it’s a bit unfair: you either like it, or you don’t, this is what I think. The fact that I’m autistic shouldn’t influence your judgement, even though it certainly influences me.