Really, believe me, I still have life where contemplating Home Group is not important. Last week, for example, I went to see a film with Swindon Film Society – they are a group of film lovers that makes our, Swindonians, lives a bit more interesting with their choice of less popular but often much better films than at the cinema. They have shows in Arts Centre in Old Town twice a month. I don’t go there very often because I’m either working or they show a drama (I don’t mind some drama but if synopsis sounds really dramatic I feel like I need to pass due to history of PTSD). And then, what happens sometimes is that, if I don’t go for a bit, I forget about this project entirely and don’t go again for several weeks. But every time I go, I turn up a bit earlier and order a bottle of cider at the bar. I then sit in the corner, facing the wall and I feel like I’m socialising as there are people around me who wait for the same event as me. We just don’t talk, but it doesn’t bother me.

The next day after the film I went to Oxford for a little trip. It’s 1.5h bus journey from bus station, but it doesn’t bother me – I like being on the bus, and it passes through some beautiful villages. I went there on that particular day as there is a street food market on that day, which is Thursday. I really like being there, looking at all the selection of hot curries , noodles and momos and the only thing I don’t like is that I actually need to make a choice.

I thought trip to Oxford will be a good idea but it was too cold for me to eat anything from the market – it would get cold before I’d finish eating, so I went to look for a place where I could eat inside and finally decided on burrito. As I was making my order I asked if they have coke that isn’t in the fridge. I must have looked confused when I said that as, when the guy at the till reached for one, hidden away from customers views, he said it’s not a problem. ‘We’re here to please’ – he added smiling. If I was 20 years younger and he 15cm taller, I’d thought he was flirting with me – that statement seemed so inappropriate. But then, I guess, maybe he was literature student with special interest in film making and he was just checking how clients react to various comments. I doubt I’d get that in Swindon, although a burrito restaurant opened in town just a few weeks ago – maybe I’ll go there and check.

Or, is it possible that burrito restaurants train their staff to act in ways that Mexicans would, to bring more authentic experience? But then, why staff is not wearing sombreros? That would really complement those gregarious comments.

After finishing my burrito I decided, however, I’m not in a mood for any sightseeing and I just went back home. It’s difficult to live with the awarness that I’d never see mum again. Even if I don’t seem to actively think about it, it’s still at the back of my head.

Regarding the rest of my life, I am coping somehow. I’m hoping my cold will be over soon, but I make sure to go out every day for a bit.

I was offered a temporary part time cleaning job today, with the same agency I worked for before Christmas, and I said yes. It starts next week and it’s for a few days only but I thought, that’s a good way of finishing my sick leave, I don’t need to stay on it till the end, and it will be a new experience. Hopefully something to write about too.