I feel like I need to sleep for two days now, that’s how tired the ultimatum made me, but it’s Friday today so tomorrow John will come to see me. I certainly wouldn’t be able to do those things regarding Home Group if I was working.
I’d like to remind my readers this is all a true story – Home Group is a large housing association with head office in Newcastle, UK. I worked there between 2015 and 2017, I had two contracts there, the first one was in ex offenders hostel but it was short term only while they were awaiting to confirm funding for the next couple of years. The funding was unfortunately reduced so my position has been ceased. I really liked that place and the manager there was very fair, so I somehow assumed it will be everywhere like that. This is another problem autistics have that is caused by lack of social imagination.
Towards the end of my contract I was told that a position will become available in a different project in Swindon, under a different manager. Long story short, I got it, even though there was a different, better candidate and during the interview the manager was giving me non verbal signs to say things I had written in the covering letter, while the other person on the interview panel was focused on writing notes and didn’t even look up once.
I didn’t know why the manager was doing that. I was stuttering a bit during the first interview I had with them and I thought that was just to be nice to me so that I felt more confident about myself in the moment while they were going to hire somebody else.
However, a few hours later the manager called me to offer me the post. It all didn’t make much sense to me, but I was happy to get the job so I wasn’t thinking too much about that. It took me a few months to realise that what the manager was trying to say during the interview was: I will give you the job but you have to do as you’re told.
I was chosen for the position that involved elements of bullying because I was seen as socially vulnerable. And I say ‘elements of bullying’ because they didn’t really want to do that and if they found somebody who is going to easily agree with things that she may find uncomfortable, they wouldn’t have to actively bully me.
So by accepting the job I signed a pact with the devil but because I was autistic I didn’t get it, and that’s what the problem was.