Last night I made that post about how I would like to use my experience from my employment tribunal claim to get a job in Nationwide. It all sounded well on the face value: I am really good at poking holes in systems and spotting patterns that others don’t necessarily see, or choose not to see. But just a few minutes after I published it I started having that idea it will never work.

At first I didn’t know why, I just had a feeling. And this is how I think: it takes me a while to really understand a situation if people are involved but even when I don’t fully understand it, I somehow see if the results are likely to be good or bad. When I was younger it was never explained to me that this way of thinking is totally valid and instead I was being told that I just don’t have confidence when, after initial excitement, I decided not to proceed. That made me put myself into trouble a bit, where I would do something that I felt was not going to work, only because I had an idea once and I felt pressured by either teachers or my mum.

Thank god, I now know that is just how I asses situations and I need to listen to my instinct because it’s (almost) always right. Or possibly it is always right? I just feel quite uncomfortable to make any definite statements!

So what is wrong with a job for Nationwide?

Well, first of all, I’m not really that good with paperwork. If I have a lot of it to go through, and that is what I presume auditors do, I’d quickly become overwhelmed and bored. I’m also not that good with numbers – my mental arithmetic is not great. I like numbers but for me numbers are symbols that I can use to express how I feel. Or to challenge people. Numbers that represent outgoings, cash flow, VAT and such are really not my thing.

Also, I already said my main interest are people – I’m fascinated by them so I want to focus on people when I’m at work.

The other problem with job in Nationwide is about workplace politics. I deeply believe that Nationwide is a great place to work, but difficult people are everywhere. This is just how life works.

To get a chance to be trained to become auditor there, or anywhere else, I’d need to do something spectacular. Like, possibly, make sure that both Mr Henderson and Mr Scope would lose their jobs as a result of me blogging. And you know, I’m not mean, I really am not but it seems to me like this is the only way for me to get noticed and appreciated for what I’m really good at.

The other thing is, it doesn’t seem to me like Mr Henderson and Mr Scope are that good at what they do. At first, they didn’t deal with employment tribunal claim the way they were supposed to. And now, they are both fully aware that I blog about the situation and they do nothing. That means, they jeopardise the future of their employers. Is that a behaviour one would expect from top level executives?

Less than a year ago I lost my job for doing something much less serious. Unfortunately sometimes we all need to face consequences of our mistakes. And that should first apply to top level executives.

So let’s assume that Mr Scope and Mr Henderson will both lose their jobs and the story will be in media. It’s not impossible, is it? And then, someone will find my post about how I’d like to be trained as an auditor. And let’s assume that there will be a company out there that would like to give me a chance. And, finally, let’s assume that I’m great with numbers and love loads of paperwork.

Obviously everyone, including my colleagues, would then know that I’m an autistic with a special skill in poking holes in systems. But I have no experience and very little knowledge so I have to be trained. And then, the bad people, or possibly just those who feel threatened would come up with an idea to get rid of me before I get trained. Because, when I know as much as them, I’ll be really dangerous.

Therefore this career choice is out of the question.