Oxytocin theory

Image added on 10th of April 2022

A little while ago I made a few posts about sexuality. This is not something that I want to repeat on a regular basis – my aim is to deal with the myth that autistic women don’t like sex. I did it to help autistic sisters to deal better with dating, as with all the misunderstandings about autism the last thing we need is so that guys will be avoiding us for that very reason – because they will believe we don’t like sex.

In one or two of those posts I said I don’t believe in oxytocin theory – the notion that having sex make women fall in love. Sex, even good one, doesn’t do anything for my ability to fall in love. I need hugs and time spend together. Sense of humour helps too.

Today I saw another article about oxytocin theory. I didn’t read it but the title didn’t mention sex this time, instead it talked about ‘body contact’, hugs and indulgent massage. After a while I thought: wait a minute, maybe that’s where the problem is? Neurotypical women perform those type of ‘body contact’ with men they are having sex with, even if relationship is not in the cards, because they want to make it look socially acceptable?

And those women then fall in love because of hugs, not because of sex?

Obviously my theory will be difficult to confirm in practice.

However, all of that made me, once again, quite upset with the fact that all autistic females are being lump together in terms of their issues. Of course there is this saying that all autistic people are different, but I read so many articles about autistic females being unable to find quality men to date and not even once that some autistic females are actually very good at judging men, although they probably use different tools to assess them. If I found out I’m autistic when I was 19, I bet my dating life would be totally crap because I’d be constantly telling myself I’m terrible with men and can’t trust my own judgement.

And what I’m actually not good at is navigating the relationship long term – however I’ve never read that we can have this type of problem.

So yes, I really am quite upset now.

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