I just read an article on Polish website about female who had mental health problems for several years before she received correct diagnosis. When I read that description I was convinced the diagnosis was autism, but not, it was borderline personality disorder.
Mind you, I obviously have no idea what it is that she has, I only know that autistic females often get misdiagnosed as having borderline personality disorder. This is because randomly repeating social behaviours that we see other people perform is such a stress for us that it causes us to feel like if we have BPD. Mind you, I don’t believe that unmasking is a solution here.
From what I know there is no pathway for receiving adult autism diagnosis in Poland, and therefore the awarness will also be very low.
That female mentioned in the article that if something doesn’t go according to plan she feels like if her life has ended. But this is exactly how I feel in those situations! And I believe this is due to the fact that I, as an autistic person, see life as a series of finite games instead of one infinite game. If something doesn’t go according to a plan I want to finish the game I’m playing because my instinct tells me that will cause another game to start automatically and I hope this one will be easier. Of course, when I say it like that I know this is not true, but this is what my autistic instinct is telling me. My instinct is wrong and that is what is making me disabled (yes, I believe autism is a disability).
However, I am much better lately in that respect and I believe blogging in format that I chose is what is helping me. Even if I cannot imagine future in general, I know one thing for certain: I’ll be posting to my blog about what I think and how I feel. That’s why it’s so important for me to describe my real feelings and not only those that are socially acceptable. Sometimes I write things that are not ‘kind’, but then there was something in my life that made me feel this way, so it’s only fair if I include it. And, BTW, we all experience negative emotions, don’t we? Whether we’re autistic or not.
Blogging for me is that infinite game that is helping me see that life will in fact continue, no matter what else is going to happen.
I was wondering for a bit if I should contact that lady but thought that could confuse her. If there is no pathway for adult autism diagnosis in Poland then she won’t be able to get clarification. Somehow not telling her doesn’t feel fair for me, but again, that is probably my autistic instinct talking. And my instinct is often wrong. Not always, mind you, but probably more often than not.
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