And I feel a bit better. I am hoping that I will be able to sleep tonight without olanzapine again. I do not feel too triggered, thank god, but I am not totally calm either. I finally realised I cannot go to Poland and also, that possibly I need my sick note extended. It’s a shame that this time was given to me to grieve after my mum and I cannot do that peacefully. If I didn’t have the blog to record my thoughts and feelings, I don’t know what I would do.

But at least I managed to understand my thinking process a little bit better. Not that it helps… this is the first situation of this type (and I hope the last one) and we, autistics, especially have problems with new situations – and with some of them the consequences of not managing them can be catastrophic!

Unfortunately some of us keep making the same mistakes over and over. Well, I probably do that too in some situations and can’t even see it.

I’m hungry. I want kotlet mielony. And I want to eat it in Gdańsk!