Looking for a perfect refugee

Does ‘perfect refugee’ actually exist? There’s so many people who are offering help to Ukrainians it’s overwhelming. Still, I am having the impression that they do that to feel better about themselves and forget to see the situation from the refugee’s perspective. There was this young Ukrainian mum on one of the Facebook group, she had 2 year old daughter. She stated she’d like to go to a family with children of similar age and I could see straight away that would help not only her daughter but also the host’s kids. And, possibly she was thinking that in a situation where she cannot give anything in exchange for help, she will feel less of a burden if the host see that their children benefit from the situation.

And this is interesting phenomenon: remember, I am autistic here, and most of the people (if not all) who volunteered to host are neurotypical. So they should be able to see the above even quicker. But guess what? The Lady received over 50 responses and only 2 or 3 were from families with children of similar age.

Perhaps it is because people who always had everything are unable to put themselves in shoes of someone who just lost everything they had? Yes, it is very easy to say: but we don’t mind, we want to help! But that was important for the Ukrainian lady. Why post irrelevant answers, when we know that she’s under stress, possibly confused, trying to make a difficult decision and we are expecting her to read what we have to say, even if it’s not what she asked for. Seriously people, get over yourself.

I was myself like that, I guess, trying to ‘grab’ an Ukrainian to help them, but I moved on. And seeing how much help is available out there really helped. It will be very selfish of me trying to expect somebody to come and stay with me if they can get better living conditions or companionship somewhere else. I mean, I moved on, even though I’m autistic. British public didn’t. They’re still in the grabbing mode apparently.

I still want to help and possibly, as the time progress, I’ll find somebody who would accept me as a host but for now it looks like this is not going to happen. Most of the hosts’ ads don’t get any responses at all. But at least I don’t need to feel bad about the fact that I’m getting rejected because I’m autistic. We will see.

2 responses to “Looking for a perfect refugee”

  1. Hi Magda!
    I like your posts. They are indeed different.
    Regarding the post about the mum with children. I did not see that post but here is my process of thoughts. I am a mum if 2 kids( 7 year old at school and 4 year old 3 hours at the nursery). I would not want to host a mum with similar age kids as 1) childcare is very expensive in London( where I live) so she would not be able to afford it ( that’s why my son only goes to the nursery for 3 hours a day) 2) I cannot offer to look after her kids for 6 months, 3) I would not want her to look after my kids as she is clearly traumatised and has enough on her plate to take an extra burden. I would not want to exploit her situation even though I can see in the posts that the Ukrainians are really keen to show they gratitude.

    I would, however, gladly host a mum with teenagers as they would go to school and mum will be able to study English/ work/ explore London or I would host 2 students as we have lots of universities and colleges nearby.
    I have also not found anyone so far but I am sure the right people will be matched.
    Magda, you will find someone, autism is not a problem, quite on the contrary, as you say, you can see things from another perspective!


    1. Thank you for that extra perspective 🙂 it is quite possible I don’t fully understand human motivation, but then I guess that’s what this blog is for – even if I make a mistake in judgement, then people can see what that mistake was and compare it with other situations that I understand correctly.

      I am really also hoping I’ll find the right person. Someone who would think that me commenting about them on the blog is cool 😛


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