Hello, I’m fine

I didn’t post since Thursday, I think. Today it’s Saturday. I think I was still trying to process the radio revelation, but I probably owe it to my readers to post more regularly. I guess people who read some of those dramatic posts I made at various difficult times may deserve to know what’s happening with me? Possibly they’re worried I ended up in the hospital, after being sectioned again? No, I did not, thank god. And I’m actually quite fine. I still don’t know what it is I’ll be talking about on the radio, but I guess things will somehow progress to what I feel most comfortable with. I guess I’d like to do some chats/interviews but it’s going to be a bit of a challenge. I’m not saying I can’t do it, but I will need a bit of time to get used to it.

I guess that’s it. I mean, I have to go for it, even if I’m not 100 percent certain I’m ready. Anyway, can one actually be ready for something one never done before?

I do admit here, I always wanted to be famous. Since I was a little child. I can’t quite understand why, what I wanted out of it. Maybe I knew that one day I’ll have a message for the world, like now, and if I’m not famous no one will listen? But the other thing is, I am quite worried that dealing with Home Group and my subsequent psychotic episodes gave me a type of brain damage. I try to look for patterns everywhere, even if they’re not present, I still think I’ve seen them, and although I am ok to accept the explanation that it could have been coincidence, I would find it difficult to cope in full time job with that symptom.

The fact my mum died earlier than expected left me with some savings so I think what I’m going to do is, I’ll work part time (like really, really part time) and commit the extra time to my blog, the radio, art and going to events where I could spread the word I have to spread. And what is it? That support for autistic people need to change. A lot. For more of my views on the topic please see Other people perspective page. It’s a password protected page but the password is Smardzewice, which is name of the village where I was brought up.

I’m writing this post from a cafe. Not that one that is my favourite, but I came here just in case if I’m monitored, lol. Obviously I probably exaggerate. The staff from my favourite cafe briefly laughed when I ordered mince pie with my coffee before Christmas. Does that mean monitoring to you? Certainly it wasn’t great customer service, was it? Anyway, I’m here now, in a cafe called 222. Coffee was fine but the place is more noisy in comparison to the other one, probably because there’s loads of hard surfaces so sound reverberates a lot. I’m keeping my headphones on, even though I’m not listening to any music, and they muffle the sound a bit, but it’s still too much for me. I guess I won’t be coming back soon. Before I realised I’m autistic, I was always surprised that other people don’t seem to mind.

Oh, BTW, me and John are dating again. Since Thursday. I mean, we agreed that we’ll ‘see how it goes’, which is a fair way of putting this, I guess, as our relationship will be completely different now, when I am making an effort to follow my dreams, instead of going through drama after drama. But he seemed much more relaxed and he doesn’t mind me being on the radio, so that is good.

I feel a bit guilty now that, if someone was worried about me, I was probably at the time eating the cake John brought. Naughty me!

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