Seriously, this is getting annoying. I kind of managed to calm myself down yesterday by reading about those cell counting devices, but I was still alert till really late. I ended up having 2.5h of sleep, and I’m obviously very tired, but still I feel like my brain is doing ‘that’ to me. I mean, looking for patterns the entire time and getting annoyed when it cannot find any. I wonder whether this is a type of a brain damage? I suppose I was like that before my psychotic episodes too, but not to such extent!
I guess I may need to be on emergency olanzapine till the end of my life, which is obviously not too bad, but in a way I feel I would really like to have more control of my brain. I wonder if dr Meadows (the founder of Sleep School) theory on amygdala, I mean the statement that amygdala thinks we’re in danger when we make an effort to relax, would apply here? But then, what I’m supposed to do instead? I’m not in a state to do any meditation, I feel too triggered for that.
It looks like I’m performing psychiatric experiment on myself, doesn’t it?
And the reason for that is, yesterday I was offered my own program on the local radio. There was no way I expected that.
Ok, I’m off. It’s only 3pm. Possibly I’ll find a way to calm down by 8pm.