Trying to outsmart my brain

Seriously, this is getting annoying. I kind of managed to calm myself down yesterday by reading about those cell counting devices, but I was still alert till really late. I ended up having 2.5h of sleep, and I’m obviously very tired, but still I feel like my brain is doing ‘that’ to me. I mean, looking for patterns the entire time and getting annoyed when it cannot find any. I wonder whether this is a type of a brain damage? I suppose I was like that before my psychotic episodes too, but not to such extent!

I guess I may need to be on emergency olanzapine till the end of my life, which is obviously not too bad, but in a way I feel I would really like to have more control of my brain. I wonder if dr Meadows (the founder of Sleep School) theory on amygdala, I mean the statement that amygdala thinks we’re in danger when we make an effort to relax, would apply here? But then, what I’m supposed to do instead? I’m not in a state to do any meditation, I feel too triggered for that.

It looks like I’m performing psychiatric experiment on myself, doesn’t it?

And the reason for that is, yesterday I was offered my own program on the local radio. There was no way I expected that.

Ok, I’m off. It’s only 3pm. Possibly I’ll find a way to calm down by 8pm.

4 responses to “Trying to outsmart my brain”

  1. Offers have a way of activating us.

    [even when we don’t want / aren’t able to be activated].

    Is it the „getting annoyed” problem

    or the „looking for patterns” problem?

    And, yes, relaxing does affect some of the lower parts or the first-developed parts of the brain.

    „Amy” [Steve Hein’s name for the amygdala – he wrote one of the first books for laypeople on Emotional Intelligence] does respond to threats and to social comparisons.

    Of course the unexpected – even, as you have said, a „good” unexpected – activates the amygdala.

    [Or perhaps you were less aware of your brain before your psychotic episodes and the habitual things it did]


    1. Those are all good questions. I think I already forgot how I felt yesterday though!
      Perhaps I need to do the exercises from Sleep School on a regular basis, maybe that will calm my amygdala for good.


      1. Ah yes – the whole sixty thousand thoughts – a hundred thousand thoughts phenomenon

        and how we’re only aware of 1 or 2 percent of them – if that.

        All the things you do on a regular basis – or some combination of the things – they affect your amygdala [and other connections between it and other parts of the brain].

        So the habits of mind you build with the Sleep School.

        And that is the key „I think I already forgot how I felt yesterday”.

        It may have left a trace or an element.


      2. It is a bit difficult to recover from this state, but I think Sleep School meditation is helping.

        I’m going out in the evening to meet some new people from meet up group so I’d rather feel normal by then!


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