I just received a newsletter from one of the business coach I signed up for during the couple of last weeks. It was about the fact that people don’t like those who are ‘salesy’ and instead, if we want something from another business person we should ask questions. And I found it so terrible confusing!
I copied and pasted a part of it here:
Do you know what people do like? When someone listens to them and asks questions.
Ok, that makes sense.
Go back to when you were a child. If you wanted attention, you would ask questions.
No, I did not! I only asked questions when I wanted an answer. When I wanted attention I just talked. Is asking questions to get attention something that neurotypical kids do? I didn’t know about that.
So if you have a hard time, ask questions.
I suppose I could. It doesn’t hurt to try.
Not about yourself: “What did you think of my training, coaching, product or whatever?” 😉
But then, what if this is what I want to know? What if I need feedback?
No, questions about the other person.
Ok, that is getting progressively more confusing.
And they don’t have to be business questions. Focus on giving compliments and show genuine interest.
Are compliments questions? Well, I suppose I could say ‘I really like that dress you’re wearing. Where is it from?’ but is this not going to be seen as a sign of me trying to find out about this person financial situation? Or even a subtle way of putting the person down (it can always be from more expensive place, right?).
“I love that photo of you; where is it?”
“Do you have any holiday plans?
Is that any of your business? That’s what I would think if a sales person would turn up for a meeting and start with that.
“Where are you from?”
Are you racist or something? And anyway, if you are at least mildly interested in my blog, you should already know.
I’m not making that easy, am I?
“You seem so experienced; how long have you been doing this?”
Are you trying to soap me up or something?
But you can also ask business-related questions.
“Have you ever experienced ?”
But how is this related if I WANT to sell something?
if the answer is yes…
“Then may I ask you some questions. You would help me tremendously. I am doing some research…”
But I want to sell something, don’t I?
If the answer is no…
“I’m looking for 5 people who . Would you know anyone? You would help me a lot…”
It looks to me like a cheap trick that a person who wants to sell something would try. They’re just looking for leads, that’s it.
Does this trigger a question? Please hit reply; you can ask me anything.’
It triggers loads of questions, as you can see. Is the above how neurotypical people do business? How come they are managing at all? It is me, the autistic one, that is meant to take everything on face value but I see what hidden motive can all those statements have. So how come neurotypicals can’t see them? Or maybe they do, but they’re playing this game as they’re hoping to get something for themselves out of it? I really do not know. I don’t understand.
Kind regards. I think it’s time for breakfast.