I was just speaking with The Friend about the possible future of my blog. Is there anything wrong with the fact that I want to have an impact on how autism is being seen by general public? I guess, it isn’t, but it feels to me like I can either promote myself or write deep, honest and emotional posts. It’s not that I’m not capable of both, it’s that I feel like I have to choose, either one or the other. It feels to me that promoting my blog makes me a dishonest person. I’m not quite sure where I got this from? Is it autism related or is it due to how I was brought up, with loads of impact from Catholic Church and the communism government? It’s strange because, if you think about it, both those institutions had very similar opinion on self promotion: it is not allowed.

I think as a child I was very committed to follow those, not necessarily written rules. It was only later that I decided some of them, like ‘no sex before marriage’ are not really that good for me and not very practical either. But I never dealt with the ‘no self promotion allowed’ (siedź w kącie a znajdą cię) rule. I guess I didn’t have anything to promote so far. I guess I could have still promoted myself as a person who is confident and assertive. But that somehow never occurred to me. I thought those qualities have to be granted by others or if they’re not, that means that others are disrespectful. I must say I find neurotypical rules really confusing here – if we’re expected to be confident in order to be respected, why at the same time we’re being reminded every now an then to be respectful towards other people? That is confusing as hell!

Yes, so I don’t know if it’s ok for me to promote my blog. But if I don’t promote it and never get found, the truth that I want to pass on may as well get completely forgotten. And what is that truth? That I don’t agree that we, autistics, need to be spoken to as directly as possible. It was when I was told something indirectly that made the biggest impact on my thinking. Yes, possibly it took me longer to come to the conclusion, but when I got there, I really identified with it. While, if I get told things directly, it just all goes over my head.

You can find more details under communication tag/category. I know there’s a lot of information there! But then, that’s why I’m blogging: because I have a lot to say.

So is it ok to promote my blog while at the same time being authentic? I’m not quite sure yet. Let me think.