I tend to feel impatient whenever I start doing something that matters to me. I felt terribly impatient when I just started blogging – I wanted to tell everyone about my diagnostician and was hoping to change the world with the emails I was sending to various organisations. I found it difficult to understand that they don’t have the experience I have and therefore will be unable to relate to me. What calmed me down then was, when I started posting about my real life experience and use the understanding I had to explain my reactions.
The last couple of days I’m impatient again. I wonder now, whether this is caused entirely by the fact that I believe, with almost 500 posts about how I feel and think, I should have more to show regarding the impact that I made, or possibly it’s just the fact that I am now semi-anonymous? Maybe by going anonymous on the blog I made myself feel like I have to suffocate the real me again? I really do not know, because this is not what I think about the situation at all. I just feel I want to be heard for who I am.
If I’m anonymous, then yes, I can still blog about emotions, but it’s like I’m not allowed to be me. And perhaps I then want to be noticed and became famous. Maybe I believe that only being famous will allow me to be more myself?
I guess a neurotypical person would say I couldn’t be more wrong. I guess I’ll update my ‘about me’ page tomorrow, put my name on it again and see how this will make me feel. I really need to feel more balance in life again.