So yes, that is basically what I’m doing here: venting is not a correct expression – I’m vampiring on my readers. Only, of course, it is very easy for them to move on. They don’t even need body language or hints to do that!

Since my mum died I post several times a day, and it’s not even about her. I don’t even think about her most of the time, and yet, I feel like I lost ability to cope.

I gave up and took olanzapine. I doubt I’d be able to calm down and sleep without it and then it would be only a few days before another psychosis would kick in. And the thing is, no one would help me now. I have no one, no one at all. I broke up with John and then my mum died just 4 days later.

I don’t know how I’m going to cope at all. I think I’ll just keep typing till the olanzapine kicks in, even if it means I’m talking rubbish. But it’s ok, isn’t it? I’m not creating content, I’m vampiring, so nonsense is actually expected.

But then I can’t come up with any on demand. Does that make sense? Waitrose And I think that why would someone make loads of effort only to deceive me?

I tried predictive text above. Interesting, isn’t it? Waitrose thinks. Should I email their customer service to confirm? Let’s try that and see what happens.