Post number 402

I was intending to write about my statistics and how much I like blogging in post number 400 but instead I wrote about John. Then post number 401 was about my relationship with food. And here we are, we have post 402.

I added two new tags to my blog: relationship with food and British public. I certainly got more combative since my mum died. But my blog’s aim is to record how I’m thinking and feeling so being combative, when I feel it, should definitely be included.

So it looks like for the next couple of weeks, possibly months, British public will have a chance to find out what I really think about them. And it’s not a matter of me ‘going back where I came from’ as Polish public is certainly not perfect, it’s a matter of me being able to say things as they are. Possibly it’s not the best way of dealing with things I don’t like, but being exposed to constant hints if I don’t understand their meaning for the next 30 days or even, possibly 3 years, is not a good thing either.

I actually watched dr Jordan Petterson video today about how women express aggression through gossip and men through physical fight. It’s a very interesting concept as it basically implies that men are very rarely aggressive (when did you last hear about men having a fight in your workplace?). I used to study physics where I was the only female in a group and I can now say men are even more sneaky and aggressive than women, and especially aggressive towards women. But I guess I’ll make a separate post about that. Btw dr Petterson found that all out from reading books!

So possibly men express aggression through fight, women through gossip, Polish public through arguing, British public through hinting and me through blogging about it?

Anyway, I was meant to talk about my statistics: I don’t have many readers for now but my statistics really skyrocketed when I made all those posts about sexuality. Should I then continue to post about it? God forbid! I’m not a sexuality blogger. I’m an autism blogger. But sexuality is part of being who I am, of being autistic. And it really bothers me when we are being portrayed as having problems in this area due to being autistic.

Going back to my statistics: I don’t really check them that often and if I do, I don’t spend much time to actually analyse them but I noticed I had people reading my blog in some far away, exotic countries like Sri Lanka. I think that is really cool but I also wonder how they managed to find me. I doubt that would be through Google search? I did try to Google my blog a few times and was not successful.

Anyway, I’m in a bad mood. My mum died and I couldn’t go to funeral and I have no one to talk to about it. Well, I have some friends but it feels to me like I should be looking for solace through talking with my brother and he’s certainly not suited for it as the only thing he thinks about is where to get the next beer from. And I’m scared of meeting him face to face after I realised it can end in tragedy. My readers should be able to find understanding for me, shouldn’t they? Especially if they’re neurotypical.

After making the last post about intermittent fasting I decided to actually try it again today. Still, I need to go shopping. I run out of jam and I may need it for tomorrow morning. I could also get some more tins of soup. While fasting, I try to do the same thing I did the first time: I still have tea and coffee with milk (but no sugar) so I have some calories, but I don’t eat anything and try to replace some tea with water or herbal and fruit tea. Towards the end of fasting period I always tried to monitor my hunger level and this is when I actually need to be at home because, when I feel hungry (and not just ‘wanting’ food) I need to eat pretty quickly and it needs to be small protein snack at first, like possibly a boiled egg. If I don’t eat when I’m hungry or finish my fasting with carbs (like bread for example) I quickly end up ravenous. So I need to be at home today’s in the evening and tomorrow in the morning as I don’t know when the ‘I’m hungry’ moment is going to come. Not that I wanted to go anywhere.

I guess one could say I don’t have a life if I post more than once a day. And I guess they would be right: I don’t have a life. Life never worked for me so I gave up on it. Being bitter again? Oh well…

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