Who sent the last message?

I must say here I’m a little concerned about John not trying to contact me to check on me. Before we started dating properly I noticed he had that rule that if he sent the last email to me on a day, he couldn’t contact me again later, he had to wait till I emailed him. Sometimes I didn’t email him for two or three days to see what he will do and he still wouldn’t contact me. After a while though, he started finishing our chats early, so that he had the opportunity to say goodnight first and then, when I answered, it was me who sent the last message so it was his turn to contact me the next day. It was really cute and made me think he must really like keeping in touch with me, but it was also slightly over the top.

When we were in a relationship for a bit the rule seemed not to apply any more, which was good of course, because the last thing you want when you’re in a relationship is to follow rules.

Now, after I wanted to break up, it looks like either that rule came back into play again or, alternatively, he’s not that into me anymore. Possibly after reading things on my blog? There were things that we never talked about in our relationship. I had the impression ages ago that he assumed that because I’m autistic, I found it difficult to find a guy who would be interested in me and it would be rude to then explain that he’s getting it wrong, wouldn’t it? I did try to mention something initially but he didn’t get it so I just left it and we never really spoke about much about our previous attempts at relationships. I know he was married though. I wasn’t.

A few days ago, after I told him that my mum died, we agreed that we’ll talk when the things settle. He said ‘understood’. That was the last message between us. So, if the rule from before we were in a relationship came back, it’s now my turn to get back to him. But then, my mum just died, shoud he not want to check on me? I mean, if he continues to read my blog, he knows that I’m coping, despite of all those troubles that I’m going through. I’m working now and managing stress without taking any tablets. But still, he shoud have check on me if he really likes me, shouldn’t he? Rules should not come before the person. Also, he could simply use the situation as an excuse to get back in touch with me – that’s what I would do if I missed someone.

I’m confused. Trying not to feel rejected and I know I can contact him myself, but it would be nice if he did it. Also, the thing is, as it was me who wanted to break up, I’m worried that if I contact him before I’m ready to commit to work on our relationship, it will look like I’m taking advantage of him just to get difficult emotions of my chest. So I’d rather not do that. But it would be nice if he reached out first. Just to let me know he’s around.

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