Stillness

That will be just a quick post, possibly without any patterns, but I will see how I feel later.

I just got back from Weymouth, it was a great trip and the town is beautiful but it was also all very emotionally intense. As a result of all my thinking I realised I need to finally do something about that whole Home Group drama. As I mentioned here already so far I didn’t even hear ‘I’m sorry’ from them. It was very difficult decision to make. In a way it feels like moving on may be a better option, but then did I really move on? If I did, I wouldn’t blog about them.

But also, it’s not just about me. It is about every single autistic person in the world and also non autistic people who ever become victim of workplace bullying.

However, making this decision took a lot of effort. Both emotional and mental and now it feels like I need to rest. I need to do nothing for a bit as, if I continue going after what I want now, I’d end up alienating every single lawyer that I approach.

This is another difficult thing about being autistic: my instinct is telling me to act now, go after what I deserve and what I should have got ages ago, by my life experience is not consistent with my instinct.

What makes the matter even more complicated is that in some situations, when I really want something, I know exactly how to get it. Possibly even better than an average neurotypical person. That usually happens just at the very beginning of my pursuit. And then, as I continue to go after what I want, I end up alienating people and running even that bit that I managed to get at the beginning.

An awareness of the fact this is caused by autism is very important but still it feels so unfair that I have to take a break when I feel like ready to act.

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