So, after my second psychotic episode I was told I’m bipolar. I don’t fully agree with this and it makes me sad that I can’t just be ‘myself’: a person with Asperger’s who is so bad at managing emotions that she ended up so upset and unable to calm down and sleep that it caused her hallucinations.
Sometimes, what can easily be interpreted as bipolar, I just feel angry because I noticed that someone took an advantage of me and I had no idea till sometimes later. I mean, some people take an advantage of the fact I’m socially naive and I only notice that when they proceed to break procedures (I’m very good with procedures and information so I notice that). What happens then is, I feel extreme anger and want to punish them somehow. I believe I in fact behave at times like someone who’s bipolar. But if I was not taken an advantage of, that wouldn’t happen at all. So possibly I’m not bipolar?
I also never make any risky decisions and don’t overspend. I actually asked for my bipolar diagnosis to be evoked but somehow it didn’t happen yet. Possibly I need it to have this little bit of support I’m getting from my mental health team, that I can’t get for Asperger’s (and actually why not? Can someone explain that to me?)
My dad was also diagnosed with bipolar. I can’t fully comment if he had it or not but meds never seemed to work to calm him down and he was on loads. As I already mentioned, I believe he was undiagnosed autistic.
My current mood is stable. I just need to get my ID card and find a job and all will be well. And blogging also helps, putting myself out there with the truth about myself is something I really need. I shpuld have done that ages ago, but somehow I didn’t.
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