First of all I do apologise for my messy drawing. I suppose not using pen and paper every day has its impact on me.
In here I wanted to explain in detail how I understand my mum’s comment ‘I want to live in Poland, unless that’s not possible then I go back to yours’.
When mum was living with me, in Swindon, she used to say very often she wants to be in Smardzewice, which is a village where she spent her entire life. It was obvious she meant living in our family home, but my addict brother lives there and gives her loads of troubles. When I came here in the middle of August, I only managed like 10 days with him and had to finally go to a hostel, so I don’t know how she, being in her 80s, would be able to cope.
Mum couldn’t accept that our family home is not a place where she can spend her last days and was saying that my brother will change, or even that he would have to change when he sees that she needs help. But quite frankly he doesn’t care.
And now, after moving to a private care home, mum suddenly said she wants to live ‘in Poland’. So that means other options are also considered. And then she added ‘unless that’s not possible’. Why would Poland not be possible? Of course it’s possible, she was in government care home before so it was possible. Rented flat may not be very practical and she may not like the fact that she’s in a strange place and yet the care she may need is not provided. Even family home is not technically impossible, it’s just that it’s not safe and she’d quickly end up in government care home again but she could certainly enter the house and go to her bedroom when she can walk again so it’s not ‘impossible’.
The only place from the list that would be impossible is the private care home if there’s no money for it.
The thing is, mum was always saying money from the land sale will be for me and my brother will get the house. It seemed practical as I won’t be able to live in that house. However, she never made it official and in the meantime I came to some money from a different source and bought 2 bed flat in Swindon and I managed to pay off my mortgage already. So now it’s like both me and my brother have somewhere to live and I guess it felt unfair for her to not give him any money, and she was probably hoping (again) he would change. So she never made anything official and if it came to that now, me and my brother would have to share everything equally: he’ll get half of my mum’s savings, I’d get half of the house.
However, mum’s promise was, I would get the money. So by saying ‘unless that’s not possible’ mum is hinting she wants to change her promise regarding what is going to happen with her money and she wants it to be spent for the private care home for her. She’s saying her first choice is the option that may turned out to be impossible if I want to keep the money that she promised to me.
She’s hinting she wants to be in the private care home. I’m sorry but that’s how I see it. So it’s not impossible to hint somebody with Asperger’s, you just need to know how.
And how I feel about it is probably a subject for another post.