This is fairly common complaint for me: the fact that life seems like just set of duties that I have to do every day. Then I can relax, rest, have a nice dinner and such, but in general neither the duties, nor the time off has any deeper meaning for me.

I wonder how neurotypical people cope with this. Is it just me who’s so dissatisfied at times? Is this an autistic thing? What type of meaning do I even want?

Is it possible that I feel this way because I don’t understand life to begin with, I only understand patterns? Does that mean I need more patterns in life to feel meaning?

I think I just posted this morning that I’m finally content with where I am and don’t need anything more. Well, that’s me for you: never knowing what I want, being confused with life. Why am I here, I ask myself that question. What is the purpose of life? Day after day doing the same things and then when I want things to change somehow, it never seems to work.

I do hope this blog will continue to bring me the relief it did so far in difficult times.