1.30am, so I woke up in the middle of the night again. I’m worried how I’m going to cope with everything life throws at me.

Seriously, when I decided to take mum with me last year, I had no idea things are going to end up like that at all. It’s possible I worry too much, because, as long as I find a job at some point, I’ll cope, but I have no idea what to do to worry less. This whole situation is very difficult to me and I’d like to know how to make it easier.

Also I realised I overshared with the new care home manager. I didn’t tell her I’m unemployed, I told her that I work in care in the UK and she seemed concerned that I may not have enough money. I was not capable of coming up with any more lies so I told her that mum has savings that we have to spend so that my brother couldn’t get hold of it as it will all go on alcohol. I told her mum was victim of fraud, how much was stolen and how much she still has. Seriously, what for? It was not any of her business.

Now I’m worried she may give us troubles, like putting price up when my mum gets more unwell. However, if she was like that, she could do that to anyone.

I remember she seemed to be a person who’s very good at finding out things about people without asking questions. It made me feel vulnerable. It was new situation and new surroundings for me and I had no ability to filter what was coming out of my mind. Now I really regret it. I wish to have more control of the situation.

Seriously, how am I going to cope is beyond me.