I took zopiclone at 11 and woke up at 4am feeling anxious. It is enormous responsibility to move mum to a place that we have to pay for if I know that funds are limited. Something happened yesterday in relation to her current care home, that made me realise that the nurses are not necessarily that nice, but I don’t want to discuss this here.

Mum is so vulnerable, not being able to sort things out herself and I love her so much and want her to be happy, but why this is an only option.

I don’t even know why I’m anxious about exactly. Possibly I worry that she needs to pay for expensive medication and the money run out quicker than I though. Possibly I worry she’s going to live till 93 and I will need to pay for it.

Possibly I’m just still under the impression that’s not how money should be spent, but what are my choices, give it to my brother for drinking? Yes, I think this is the source of my anxiety, the fact that I’m all by myself with it.