Nightime anxiety

I woke up feeling that I had it all sorted when then suddenly realised my mum was victim of fraud and her bank completely ignored her so far.

Even the last letter, when they said they would refund what she had confirmation for didn’t include any information that there is ongoing police investigation. I feel so ignored. The first time I reported it it was exactly a year ago and nothing was done at all. How is this possible?

And now I have to make this decision: should I move mum to a better care home if I know her money is only going to last for 4 years? Will I worry all this time she will live longer than that and I won’t be able to afford it?

But then what else can I do? Keep money for myself??? It feels very bad. It’s not mine and it only reminds me about the fraud. ‘There should be more’, that’s my thought. But it’s not mine to begin with!

I feel anxious. I wish I could get some more sleep and woke up knowing what to do.

Tomaszów

I realised that most of my anxiety comes from the fact that my brother would disown me if I send mum to a private care home. Why would I care? Because I don’t want any problems from him. Although it’s very likely he’ll give me problems anyway.

I also realised that part of the reason I want to send mum to a private care home is to get rid of money. I don’t want this money, there’s so much problems because of it. Maybe mum wouldn’t be that unhappy living with me if she wouldn’t worry about being victim of fraud and thinking that by staying in the UK she can’t do anything. I don’t want my brother to get it either. But is this logical thinking? Money is money you could say. But I don’t want it. It needs to be spent on charitable cause. I almost feel like I’ll be doing money laundering.

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