It’s such a shame, I really like this website builder, but why it allows 99 posts only? Even if I posts once every 3-4 days, I’d run out within a year. (This is regarding my previous website, before I moved to wordpress).

It took me ages to choose this website builder, as it turned out I can’t do anything with templates. ‘Choose Paloma’ I’m being prompted. What’s Paloma, I want to scream.

I have first class bachelor degree in computer science and yet I can’t cope with it. What’s Paloma, I’m asking again! Or the fact that I have to start an account first to see if I like how things work.

I really started getting into this writing here, it’s all about my personal life, but then is that bad? I feel now like I’m getting punished because of it, which is of course ridiculous, but that’s how I see it.

I even started having suicidal thoughts. It’s like walking into the wall: I don’t know what to do, which option to choose, there’s no green light anywhere but I have to do something, I have to take an action so I’m going to kill myself as this is the quickest.

I don’t want to die, I only want to make the choice finally and nothing else seems to fit.

I guess this is an example of playing a finite game: if I have to lose it’s better to lose immediately.

I opened up a lot about myself in here, but then I guess this is post about autism and everything I do, every decision I make is about life as an autistic.

So for now I just post under Diary 2 and I’ll deal with this sometime later.