I often wonder what is the purpose of life. Is it just to earn enough money for bills? I don’t want it to be like that, I crave something more, some kind of fulfilment, but I don’t know what it could be. I suppose I’d like to have an impact on the world, but in what sense? I suppose I’d like to have something to say about autism management, but no one is listening.

I never really wanted to have a family of my own, I was content enough with having a relationship, my mum and then my dad’s and brother’s problems. But I wanted to be heard, even if I didn’t know what to say. It never happened so far. No one is listening.

I called my mum’s care home and said I’m thinking about moving her private. They are ok with that. For some reason I thought they would give me problems.

Mum will not be able to give me her support any more. No one will. I’m all by myself and still no one is listening.

It’s still raining.

I didn’t ask to speak with mum because if I told her I want to move her to a private care home she wouldn’t sign power of attorney. I’m all by myself.