I managed another 1.5h of sleep so I’m really doing ok.

Weather is bad again, it’s raining and depressing. I don’t know what I will be doing today, I’ll probably go to the shop to get some more bread and another cheese spread. And possibly something for dinner.

What would happen if I refused to deal with it all? My brother would definitely not step up. He already said mum should be at home, even though there’s no one to help and she can’t walk. I’m disgusted with his attitude.

But I’m not that happy with my mum either. Why couldn’t she be content living with me? I really don’t understand that. She always wanted to spend more time with me and when she had me every day she suddenly preferred to focus on where my trousers are or how many packets of pasta I’ve got instead on just being content.

I wonder if she really believes that telling my brother that he needs to stop drinking is going to change anything? Is that why she wanted to come back?

The last day before leaving to the UK last year we sold a tiny bit of land to my neighbours, he wanted to park his cars in front of his property. My brother’s share would cover sensible quality walking shoes but he got himself (designer) sunglasses, even though it was September (I can’t see them anywhere now) and came back home totally drunk. I mean, I could then see that he was drunk. Mum started asking him when he has the rest of the money. It wasn’t much but you’d expect, after getting even a bottle of whisky, he still should have something left.

I wonder how long it will take him to blow off his inheritance. Obviously we may have nothing left, if mum stays in a private care home and she lives for another couple of years. My brother will kill me for that.