I woke up early in the morning with the thought that if my mum ends up in the care home permanently, I’ll never forgive my brother. Not that our relationship is good now, so it will probably not change anything and he won’t even notice.

My mum could of course live in a small, rented house with a bit of paid help but what she would do then, she’d leave at 6am every day and chase my brother around the village to tell him that he needs to stop drinking, being completely oblivious to the fact that this behaviour doesn’t help at all.

There is an end of summer fete by the church today, I’d like to go actually but would need to go by myself. I have no friends here now. I never had many but I at least had some, however, they all moved somewhere.

There is one lady here who I probably should have called an ex friend. We were getting on really well in high school but then all of that fell apart somehow. She had a great career in finance for a bit and kept comparing herself with me and always coming up with a conclusion that she’s better.

A few years ago, when I found out she left the career in finance, I thought, possibly something was not ok there and she’ll be more understanding of my shortcomings now, having a bit more life experience. It seemed she was at first, but then I realised that she’s using her supportive approach to find out what is wrong in my life, while never saying anything negative about her own.

Possibly I should email her the link to this blog, where she can read everything that she needs.