I suddenly feel like I need a good rest and to relax. It’s good that I stopped pacing and laid down.

I’m thinking how my brother is never abusive towards me, but he was to my mum. But I don’t tell him ‘you have to stop drinking, sort yourself out, why you’re not like other people, how are you going to end up?’ He gets irritated about that, or probably I should have said he gets furious. And it’s not even working.

I don’t tell him anything, I try to keep myself to myself, provide some bread and a cheese spread so that we have something to eat and only talk to him about the bare minimum. Mind you, even that never gets anywhere close to getting sorted.

I am convinced that my mum broke her hip because my brother pushed her. I’m sure he didn’t push her out of nowhere, first they had an argument that she started (in his opinion) by telling him to stop drinking. He replied saying that he drinks because he wants to and he copes very well. Possibly he added that he’s one level above everyone else. She continued. He went to his room, quite possibly, so she followed him. She could not contained her disappointment. He started screaming, was absolutely furious. She didn’t stop, she continued to tell him that he has a problem. And then he pushed her. She’s short and fragile. She ended up on the floor.

That’s what I think happened between those two, but neither of them admitted to anything.